What a weird feeling it was too. I've made friends there, lost friends there-_-, and spent 2 years of my life trying to sell shit nobody wants. I must have set a record for failed calls. I'm probably gonna miss it. As much as I hate it, I'm used to being there with all the cool people I met and I'll likely miss seeing and talking to them everyday. I definitely won't miss the job, I'll tell ya that much. I almost cried though. Srsly. Walking down the street, looking back at the place and remembering the good times with friends there made it very difficult to fight the waterworks back just becuz of the significance of what was happening. Mike Damone died back in April and I didn't cry. I was upset but not a single tear fell. I leave ICT after 2 years and I nearly burst into tears from a combination of happy/sad stuff. Wowie.
I got a convenience store job out Cape Breton University that I am majorly excited for with a 30-day probation period that will also serve as my work placement. I just hope that for the very first time in my life, I am not a screw-up at something.
*prays* Please don't be a screw-up, please don't be a screw-up, I don't wanna go back there >.<
I know only like, 2 or 3 people can see this but I just needed to express myself.
First update in nearly a year so it's gotta be sumthin good. I think.
I have a LOT of things on my mind at this moment that are just dying to be screamed out so I don't have to feel like this for too long. But I'm terrified of the consequences of getting this off my chest so I can't get the balls to type/say it. One of the reasons for this is that all of the people I know are really harsh critics of EVERYTHING I say or do and out to prove me wrong and I end up looking or feeling foolish for ever thinking or saying anything in the first place. Brutal honesty is not always the best policy. Nobody around me seems to know how to be gentler with what they have to say and always end up saying things in the most demeaning way possible, whether intentional or not, and that's not what I need from people right now. The only way I can feel comfortable with what's bugging me is if I have someone willing enough to try and be supportive or sympathetic without being an ass and I don't feel like there's anyone I can trust to do that. This is going to need to be dragged out of me.
1. Can you cook? 2. What was your dream growing up? 3. What talent do you wish you had? 4. Favorite place? 5. Favorite actor? 6. What was the last book you read more than once? 7. What zodiac sign are you? 8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 9. Worst Habit? 10. Favorite snack? 11. What is your favorite sport? 12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? 13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? 14. Best thing to ever happen to you? 15. Tell me one weird fact about you. 16. Do you have any pets? 17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? 18. What time is it where you are now? 19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? 20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? 21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? 22. What color eyes do you have? 23. Ever been arrested? 24. Bottle or Draft? 25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? 26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? 27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? 28. Do you believe in ghosts? 29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? 30. Do you swear a lot? 31. Biggest pet peeve? 32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? 33. In one word, how would you describe me? 34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
AND~
*1 Dirty Question*
You get to ask me 1 Dirty Question...any question, no matter how crazy it is, and I promise to answer it truthfully...the catch is...you have to repost this and see what people ask you
I'd like to thank the morons at MuchMusic for the inspiration for what I am about to write.
Why in the WORLD does every station suddenly want to report on Hollywood, their actors and what they do all the time? Over the last 3 years or so, I've watched a once respectable station in MuchMusic slowly start to talk about the Paris Hiltons, TomKats, movies, video games, sports and everything that has NOTHING to do with music (minus the slightly talented Paris). When they actually are playing music, it's the same 10 videos over and over again all day long. Much On Demand is a joke becuz they clearly rig the vote-o-matics and only allow us to request what they want us to. You should see PunchMuch, their video request digital station. They actually have a list of songs on a ticker and you text in the number to see the video. Only what they allow you to request.
It comes to a head this year as MuchMusic have informally and for no reason CANCELLED Fromage 2006, hosted by Ed The Sock every year and the only reaosn to watch MuchMusic all year round just to see what qualifies to be ranted about. Instead, they replace it with something called Overexposed In '06. This show is basically the same deal except that it focuses on pop culture as whole rather than the music videos. I imagine this will also be hosted by Ed The Sock, albeit against his will, which is fine a dandy but good Lord, it's called Much MUSIC, a music station. Not a pop culture station, not a video game station, not a sports station. Video games, hollywood, and sports each have dozens of their own TV shows and stations where they can be talked about 24/7. Where did the music station go? Even MuchMoreMusic is leaning a little towards the pop culture side but then again, they are all in the same building and under the same company anyway.
I need G4 Tech TV. It's my only means of Ed The Sock support.
What saddens me the most about this hollywood obessession is that even the one thing in my life that I would go insane without has been trying to cover the news of hollywood and what goes on there. Professional wrestling. World Wrestling Entertainment. Case and point: on January 1st, 2007 from Miami, there is a WWE World Title match. And introducing the challenger....Kevin Federline. Eh? What does that have to do with wrasslin' again? WWE is planning on relaunching their website soon to make it more "pop-culture" oriented and they're paying celebrities to say that they like WWE to make themselves seem 'cool' again. Um, who cares? Most celebrities have never been on WWE TV, have never watched WWE TV so it's completely unlikely that they support them. I know a few of them do so go get those ones.
I'm gonna have an anneurism. I'm gonna lock myself in a dark room somewhere.
I seem to have this constant nervous feeling in my gut every day of my life. Not nervous about anything specific, just things. Things that happen or things that can happen or anxiety over something unknown happening.
>_>
Basically, I'm always nervous that something is going to happen. Don't know what, don't know why but it's getting quite annoying as I would love to be able to stay still for a decent length of time.
Me bought Mortal Komabt Armageddon. MK is my very favorite series in video games and I wasted my entire Saturday night/Sunday/Monday evening playing it cuz it ownz. 62 characters, crappy Kreate-A-Fatality system and awesome Konquest Mode.
Damn, it's been really hard to get any plans for weekends, this is so boring and heres why:
Monday : 8-3 Tuesday: 8-12, home at about 1, work 6-10 Wednesday: 1-3, work 6-10 Thursday: 11-3, work 5-10 Friday: 10:30 - 12:30, work 5-11:45
Anthony is 2pm-1am Monday-Friday at Stream and Krystal starts at 2:30 and gets off at some unknown time also at Stream.
Like OMFG! O_o
That's retarded. That makes it VERY difficult to talk to anybody except Meagan who I happen to work with. Everybody makes their plans while I'm working or schooling and I'm stuck here by myself cuz I can't contact nobody.
:-(
And now some sort of super-virus is trying to kill my computer and becuz I am unable to contact Anthony, I can't get any help for it becuz I don't know where he is.
Jason Carapino (jackass who took the 10 minutes to apply for a MasterCard only to decide he didn't want it after I read the 6 minute disclosure.)
Scott (stupid center manager who decided that the one legged lady can come into work but Meagan with the fractured/sprained arm who can still type can't)
-_-
ANYWAY! Krystal situation is slightly better for me cuz I found out she's been doing the same thing to everyone else that she has to me except for Troy cuz he keeps her happy. Says she has a lot on her mind right now and has been pushing everyone away and ignoring her problems again, a habit I helped her to change. So now I at least know she has no immediate problem with me or anything so that's good.
*yawn*
So Sleepy. 8am classes suck. Start at 1 tomorrow which is awesome cuz I can sleep in till like, 11 cuz we're going on a field trip which happesn to be a 15 minute walk from my house so that's awesome.
Weeks and weeks and weeks in a row and I can't get mother fuckin Krystal to see me. Last time I sae her was for 2 hours at the beginning of August. We made so many plans over the summer becuz "we'll always have the weekends :)" and every single one of them she had some other bad excuse for not going. Oh, I'm staying in the Bay to play poker with Troy's family. Oh, I forgot my cell phone and went to Baddeck. Oh, those fireworks suck I'm staying with Troy (fireworks were not the point). Oh, I couldn't come to your party you planned and told me about weeks in advance becuz my cell phone died and I went to Mira and the family wouldn't let me leave until I played poker.
FUCK!
Excuses, excuses, excuses. Legitimate or not, it's shit and it's pissed me off. Me and her had a whole day planned for tomorrow. Movies, mall, bowling and all that stuff and she comes to me the DAY BEFORE and says she has to work becuz of how busy they are at Stream. Fine, I understand but I'm not taking anymore excuses whether it's good excuse, bad excuse, broken leg, broken arm, shot or if somebody died, I'm not taking excuses. I swear, the word no isn't in her vocabulary. She could call in and say she's sick or has an emergency and not go in but she's going on in anyway cuz she's helping train the new people. I was unaware she's the only person on the floor who can train people.
Sometime before Xmas, she's getting her jaw wired shut for 6 weeks and won't be able to talk. If I don't get to see her at least a couple of times before she locks herself away for 6 weeks, I just might lose my mind.
God, she's supposed to be one of my best friends and I can't even see her.
The words " I am going to KILL Krystal" have become a regular part of my vocabulary.
*ahem*
We'll start with last Sunday. The plan was for me, her Jocko and Troy to go to Boston Pizza for a bite to eat. Jocko hates Krystal when she's around Troy cuz she gets all "moon-eyed" and annoys him. Boyfriend. Duh. So he ended up saying fuck it despite it being his idea and him approving of Krystal inviting Trpy. AAAANYWAY whatever. Big problem comes when she calls me and says "I can't go to Boston Pizza cuz I'm going with Troy and my family to watch some fireworks." Bullshit, she could've went, she CHOSE not to cuz she found something better. Her excuse as of Saturday was that she wants Troy to get to know her family better. I don't care. I tell she owes me one and she said "ok, how about Saturday, we'll go to the movies, nobody else just the 2 of us." Ok good, finally getting my way. So here comes Saturday, we blew off the movies cuz nothing was playing so instead we went to the new giant Wal-Mart that opened just to see it. We then went to the boardwalk cuz t's Action Week and all. She then tells me she might need to stop at Alicia's to see her and I said that's fine, which it was cuz I got what I wanted anyway so she can go nuts after that and go see anybody she wants. Something tragic happened to Alicia so her mom invited Krystal over to kind of baby-sit Alicia cuz she had to go out and didn't wanna leave her alone. We were walking that way and she decided that it would be best if she went alone and I totally understood and said alright. She said to make up for leaving early, that I could call her on her cell phone the next day and we would meet somewhere with her and Troy for the light parade.
Now for yesterday.
*ahem*
I called her mother fuckin phone 4 fuckin times to see where the hell she was and where she wanted to meet. Did I get a fuckin answer, HELL NO! I was calling to find out where to meet up and to tell her my friend Meagan and her bf Alex were coming with me in case she decided to ignore me and talk to Troy all night. Not a single answer. No call back, no MSN messages, nothin'. I don't even know if she was at the parade and if she wasn't going, she could've AT LEAST found a way to tell me. She better have lost the phone, forgot the phone or left it somewhere or been in the GOD DAMN parade itself.
This level of ignorance is starting to piss me off. Everytime I hang out with this girl, I get either ignored, pushed to the side or blown off for something better. I don't care about her little boyfriend, he is of NO concern to me. When I go out with her, I ain't thinkin about her other friends and people and what she might wanna do with them, I think about what me and her are going to do together and when it don't happen, I get PISSED! It's the same way as with everyone else so ain't just cuz I have a crush on her and want to spend time around her and talk to her. Jocko's done this before with Jill and Kate and it drove me ape shit crazy in the same way.
However, despite the faults of the evening, I managed to have a great time with Meagan and Alex. I wasn't actually pissed off till about 1 this morning and by the time I got online, she was gone to bed so I gotta wait till she gets home from work and I don't even know when that is.
I'll just sit here and twitch till I get a hold of her.
I am going to add Christina Aguilera and Great Big Sea to my List Of People I Need to Kll Before They Kill Me>_>
I had Xtina's craptacular new song in my head at work all day combined with great Big Sea. It's so boring at ICT, I sit there and start randomly humming or whistling crappy songs>:o We need a radio or something.
In life related news, I got cheered up by krystal last night. Krystal being Krystal fully realizes that I've been in a bad mood for the better part of the last month and last night, we weren't even talking and she messaged me for the sole purpose of saying good night and giving me an e-hug just cuz she's Krystal. It cheered me right up.
^.^
I wonder where a good place to hide a body is.....>_>
Head, ouch, yeah. 7 hours of talking on the phone with your own voice being thrown back at you causes pain.
Saw Pirates. Far from spectacular. It was just 'ok'. Prolly would've been better if I saw the first one but I do know a great deal about what's happened in that movie so no biggie.
Krystal brought Alicia after I told her that if she wanted to she just had to ask but she didn't *sigh*. She claimed she thought I said something different. Oh well, I'll get her later.
Also met the rebound tonight. After closer inspection I've discovered that while I haven't noticed too much, if there is ANY trace of a change in her personality it would be him. He's a calmer version of Monkey. He also reminds me of Brian in the sense that he likes to tell retarded stories about how bad ass he is but it's ok. I hate Brian but he had to do something to get on my nerves and Troy ain't done anything yet. I still think he's a rebound but hey, she's happy and she won't see past that for a while cuz it's been so long since she's been happy and it's the only thing she cares about ATM.
I HATE FUCKIN GROUPS OF FUCKIN PEOPLE!
Why is this difficult to understand? She actually forgot about my existence when her mom called her cell phone while we were in Troy's car cuz I was being my normal, reserved self mainly on account of my headache. She knows what a bad idea it is to forget about me and how much I hate to not be noticed by the people who matter most. Someone's gonna get their legs broken.
Far Way - Nickelback OMGZ they wrote a good (OLP) song>_>.
Yup, it is once again time for another boring, friendless week in life. Anthony got a job working 8-5 at Stream, making it impossible to contact him when I get up in the morning and nearly impossible when I get home at 11:45 cuz he'll be sleeping..maybe >_> As if talking to Krystal with our schedules ain't hard enough, now the BEST friend becomes difficult. Argh.
Krystal changed her own schedule so she could be off for the evenings and hang out with her friends. I work 5-11:45pm so her ability to hang out with friends in the evenings means shit to me. But, we still have the weekends she says and last Monday or so, when I inquired about hanging out on the weekend, she said she was busy all weekend with her rebound.
>:O!!!!!!!
I think I may have guilt-tripped her into this weekend without ever meaning to>_> I said I only wanted to do 2 things on this weekend and that I couldn't do any of them. She knew she was one of them so she offered to hang out THIS weekend instead and we go see Pirates. I didn't even have to say nothin:-p God love her >_>
Jocko says that w/e she has plans with Troy, she becomes suddenly very sarcastic which is highly unlike Krystal. This makes me wanna meet Troy to see if he's having some sort of effect on her personality like Monkey did cuz she's been saying she doesn't feel like herself anymore. Inspector Chris now wants to investigate cuz I've actually noticed the change myself and it ain't cool and she doesn't like it either.
I also must tell her that if she wants Alicia to come to Pirates with us to ask me first. I hate when I ask someone to hang out and they show up with 1 or 2 other people without so much as asking if I mind. I'm getting quite sick of hanging out with groups of people for a little while as I'm WAY too quiet and my existance ends up being ignored. One person is all I need thank you.
Man, this job is...weird...It's so boring. You sit there all day making 300 calls and only one or 2 of them are a yes. This schedule combined with the schedules of everyone else I know (Krystal and Jocko>_>) makes it quite difficult to talk to anyone. I hate not being able to talk to people I want to talk to, it makes me paranoid. At least I get something like $300 or so a week to do it.
Whatever.
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
✓I miss somebody right now.(Krystal's become hard to contact...)
× I don't watch much TV these days.
× I own lots of books.
✓I wear glasses or contact lenses.
✓I love to play video games.
× I've tried marijuana.
✓I've watched porn movies.
✓I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.(We were both the psycho>_>)
✓I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓I curse sometimes.
× I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (I don't pay enough attention)
I got that butterfly in my stomach feeling like something is gonna happen and I know what it is, I just need the balls to make it happen.
I'm getting closer...closer...within reach.....nah, I think I'll run again.
-_-
Getting closer to telling Krystal about my crush on her but fear still lingers. I know I don't have much to fear but I still fear anyway.
It's not like last time with Jessie. Krystal will take the liberty to try and make me feel better after a letdown whereas Jess would take the liberty of making me feel worse. Krystal would try and make me feel better but there's no telling how she would feel. Based on events when she was with Monkey, when a guy would tell her they like her, she got creeped out and kinda brushed them off. I don't wanna be brushed off or creep her out in anyway. All I wanna do is tell her my feelings about everything involving her and have a nice conversation about it that doesn't result in doom or put any kind of strain on our current friendship but I'm afraid it won't happen.
I hate this so much, it happens every time. I find a girl I like and I either keep it a secret till it's too late or I get shot down and have to wait for the next one. It gets repetitive after a while and it'd be nice to have it result in something good for once.
I'm so very close, I can taste it but I still can't do it. She'll ask what's wrong and I freeze for a minute and tell her 'I dunno' and then make up something when I know exactly what the problem is but am too gutless to say anything.
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vegettothegreat's journal
anxious.
blank.
frustrated.
tired.
confused.
content.
nervous.
bored.
bitchy.
loved.